Anyways, it is in fact New Years day and does it feel like a fresh start for me? No, not at all. I literally couldn't care less. It just really isn't the same feeling anymore. I'm not super happy or ecstatic and I'm definitely bummed out that I never got my New Year's kiss from my girlfriend.
Let me paint a pretty picture. Would you not be extremely annoyed that you didn't get to see your girlfriend on Christmas, and then she promises she will stay with you on New Years to make it up to you but then by some force of nature she has to leave before hand. I constantly feel like I'm getting shafted left right and centre. I really just want things to go my way for once you know?
It's a nuisance that If I want something to happen I have to make it happen in my head because that's the only time anything I want will ACTUALLY come to fruition. I'm tired, exhausted and just wish someone could just be here and not actual leave.
I have separation anxiety, and it's not in a jokingly "ha ha, that's a made up illness" I actually have separation anxiety. Mostly stemmed from many people and pets dying or going away and not coming back. It's developed into this huge burden that by the time someone i care about is going, I just become super overwhelmed with emotion and I can't stand to see them leave - especially when we never got to do what I wanted.. which is the case more often then not.
I don't really think my reasoning is selfish.. how can it be. It'd be selfish if I actually always had my way, but I don't. And it may seem as though I'm reacting like a moody child, an dyes perhaps it's so... but honestly how would you feel if you were constantly thrown on a back burner. Trust me my friends, it's a horrible feeling, and you constantly have this large lump in your throat that is painful to choke down. I always feel unheard and left out, constantly wishing someone would realize that I have things to say to.
Eh, maybe I'm just being over sensitive. It still stings nonetheless. Anyways I'm starving so I'm going to eat food soon. My grandparents are coming down from Chatham, we're going to celebrate our own Christmas together since we don't see them as often as we'd like. I at least have something to look forward to today, so there's that.
So with that off of my chest, I think it's best that I go eat something.
-Michael
