So. My dog died.
Sorry to start the post on such a sour note but thats the realm I'm existing in right now. I honestly lost a best friend and I am getting choked up trying to even piece together the reality of this while Im typing this out. I dont want to accept it, i refuse to accept this. My heart and mind are so so so heav right now. my eyes are dry from the countless hours of prolonged crying. Im broken through and through. Im trying so hard to find ways to cope but distractions are seldom and they dont last very long.
We all went out of Saturday night to the Grinning Gator Bar downtown. A handful of my coworkers joined and we had a great time attending the Hausofsleaze show that my brother's drag family run. It was a great peace of mind and my brother and I seriously needed the therapy. it feels good when friends pull you through even the most difficult times and it warms my heart to know that I can count on some really great people. As my shifts increase in length and frequency I cant heklp but feel overwhelmed, underslept and overworked. I cant complain too too much because i know there are millions of people with difficult jobs but geez sometimes the stress is so much.
a good friend of mine once told me that life is crazy, its got weird destinations are the stops arent always clear-cut but even with the bumps and crashes we still manage to enjoy the ride. I think Im going to start applying that mantra to aspects of my every day life. It might just be what I need. That or memes :p
- Michael
Sometimes, it's cool to take a breather and walk away from something if it stresses you out. Other times its more tranquil to put your lamentations on paper, err i guess in this case via keyboard. Ive been having a sort of - off - past weeks weeks. I dont even really know how to describe how ive been feeling, mentally. But physically i am withering away.
I have no desire to eat during normal hours. if i do, its usually not healthy and I usually instantly regret it. I have a terrible back, my neck is stiff and doesnt crack, my joints ache and constantly snap and i have such a docile grumpy attitude lately that Ive been having a terrible time trying to break. Whats worse is that my depression and anxiety have seemed to sky-rocket. It was so bad that at one of my longer shifts my hands were uncontrollably shaking and i just began sobbing... and i had absolutely no idea why. I really wish i could get to the bottom of this slump because it's consuming me alive. Do you ever do that though? Sit back and try and actually think about what could be sooo bad in your life that you are going through such a random slump and you just come up short for answers? I really cant think of something to be bothering me at this current moment. I dont have anything heavily weighing on my mind so what the actual hell?
In greater news, my vacation is coming up. If you know anything about me is that once i get excited about something I cant just forget about it, so the fact that i was approved for it 3 weeks ago has been eating away at me... moreso than christmas. i feel like this week off from work will be exactly what i need, just quality time with family - especially my little guy. And who knows maybe I'll bore him to tears but it will mean the world to me. On that note of excitement, have you seen the new Power Rangers trailer that was just released????? I mean if you are a parent considering taking your children to see this movie and they get in my way... they may be dropkicked, that's all I'm saying. GUYS IT LOOOKS SOOOO GOOOOOOD! Ive been stalking this project all the way back when it was just announced as a possibility, which i believe was back in 2009. you guys have no idea how much this movie means to me lol. NOSTALGIA OVERLOAD!
Anyways my Kraft Dinner is ready, so im gonna eat that and probably watch rupauls drag race, have a good one guys!
-Mike
So I went out last night for the first time in awhile. (mind you I started pre-drinking at 7:30 so choices were made.)
It was the Red Carpet Gala Awards at Lavish Nightclub last night and my brother was nominated (and won) two awards based off of his drag persona Bettie Rebel. It was slightly dead not gonna lie, not the turnout I expected BUT it was an amazing night nonetheless because I got to spend it with great friends and get plastered while murdering popular songs in Karaoke.
Im currently re-watching season 15 of Project Runway and Laurence Basse is still slaying my entire existance (as is Heidi Klum for very obvious reasons). Today was a rough day at work 9.5 hours and like clockwork, the customers didn't really start picking up until it was my last hour in my shift - thanks obama. its a good stress relief to be able to lounge in my undies and put my feet up and watch quality reality tv. I'm totally in my zen place right now.
I finally am getting a new phone on sunday and anyone who knows me knows ive been dealing with this ston-tablet of a Samsung Galaxy Ace IIX. Which I believe is like 4-5 years old. I cant even download certain apps on my phone because it's THAT old. so it's time. FINALLY! Im likely ditching android for awhile too, i wanna try my hand at an iphone, who knows how my clumsy ass will deal with such fragile techn ology but hey, life's a gamble right???
well, the microwave went off which means my ghetto-ass quesadilla is done. I'll talk to you guys later!
-Mike
